I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
