I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
