When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
