Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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