She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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