there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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