I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
3pm strippers are depressing
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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