How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
