my vag is so smooth its legendary
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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