biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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