Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
