Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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