based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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