just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
