remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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