I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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