She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
