We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
