Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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