i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
