i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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