I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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