Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
