I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
