At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
