If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
