dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
