So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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