It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize