all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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