I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
