i barfeds in our rink
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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