Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
