Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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