Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
