while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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