i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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