The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he thought i was a dude.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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