that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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