final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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