I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
