Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
