my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
