and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
