I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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