i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
