I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
