I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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