Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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