i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize