i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
