You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
