Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need water and some morals
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
