apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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