I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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