Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize