I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
