Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
