we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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