I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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