I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
