My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
