So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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