She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
