I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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