I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
