His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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