Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
