When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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